Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Marriage 101: Fears debunked and real-life application


Before I got married, this word was rather frightful to me, even when I was happily engaged (ask any of my friends, they can attest to this). I think the sheer magnitude of it scared the pants off me (not literally), since I don't believe in divorce and I only believe in a forever commitment. Can I really love? Will I feel "trapped"? How do I care selflessly for someone else when I'm despicably self-focused? These were all thoughts that rushed through my head. Less important thoughts included things such as "Can I cook?" and "What's 'simmer' mean?" Seemed like rough waters ahead in the domestic realm.

I discovered that it was not nearly as terrifying as I thought, for I had forgotten that I had many support systems, namely God, my husband, and my parents, in that order. Thankfully, neither my mom or mother-in-law is a Martha Stewart, so my cooking attempts sufficed, and sometimes wowed my husband. That was a happy surprise. I've been grateful from the time we started dating for my mans's patience and encouragement, and that has only grown and become more evident in our marriage. I remind myself, and him when he's hard on himself, that neither of us have been married before. Therefore, we're going to blunder, fumble the ball, misunderstand, get frustrated, and whatnot. And it's OK. It's OK because we communicate and we have made a commitment to love.

We committed to love the other, which doesn't always mean you'll like each other. And this is also OK. As my parents' kid, I remember telling them at times "I love you, but I don't feel I like you very much right now," which was the truth. Like/dislike, happiness/sadness...these come and go. But the underlying foundation in my family growing up was love, and even when we weren't happy and didn't like each other at that moment, there was still a commitment of love. And that's something my husband and I share as well. We intentionally tell each other we love each other, kiss goodbye/hello, and pray together before we fall asleep.

Honestly, adjusting from being engaged to married was not that difficult. My husband and I would spend all our extra time together except for sleeping hours, so the only difference was that he didn't have to go home after 11pm. We still have fun, if not more fun, now that we're married. And there's no thoughts that if either of us slips up, the other will call it off. We are home, and we are forever together :) And though we're still in the "honey-moon" phase of our relationship and I know relationships and life aren't all smooth-sailing, I'm along for the ride. I'm content because he's not in control, God's in control. And my husband and I continuously give our issues to Him. And as long as we do that, and remain committed to each other, I'm not afraid. "Perfect love casts out fear," and this love is God's love. A marriage built on that love can be fearless, fun, and fulfilling. And that makes me excited about the future :)

1 comment:

  1. Fearless, fun, and fulfilling! I like that! That is the kind of abundant life I believe Jesus wants us to enjoy! God bless you and Brandon with an ever-increasing awareness of His amazing love for you both!

    Love, Lisa