Lately, I've developed a quiz addiction. Actually, I had it before, but buzzfeed makes it super convenient and answers your deepest questions like "Who is my author soulmate?" and "What decade should you really live in?" (for the curious, my results were Thoreau and the '90s). But before that, I enjoyed taking personality quizzes/tests. I did it mostly because I found it interesting, and also to "find" myself. It's as if I wanted a label for my behavior, something that allowed me to say, "why of course that's why I do that! I'm (fill in the blank)." But all the quizzes, though some were legitimately enlightening, led to the same conclusion: I don't fit in a mold.
Often I feel so many mixed up and opposite emotions, and I wonder, "Is this normal? Can I chalk this up to being a woman? Oh, I'm not PMSing...maybe it's not hormones..." How can I both love and dislike being around people at the same time? How can I hate clutter, but not be very good at organizing? How can I love logic and reasoning, yet love the artistic? So I took the quizzes: "Are you an introvert?" and "Are you left or right brained?" And well, I broke the quiz, so to speak.
Turns out, I am an introvert and an extrovert. I always called myself and extroverted introvert, meaning I am a friendly and sociable hermit, if that's possible. "They" label it as "ambivert," kind of like being ambidextrous I suppose. I guess that's kind of cool, unless one tendency decides to kick in suddenly...
Me: Wooohooo! I love get togethers! I'm going to schedule all kinds of social activities this week! Gosh, I love people!
Me...two days into the week: Ugh, people! I don't want to see any people...ever again...no one talk to me, please.
Then, everyone is rather confused, including myself. Is she being flaky? they wonder. No...I just randomly need to be a hermit.
The other quiz I broke: Are you left or right brained? Now, this one I really wanted to know an answer to, to explain my OCD tendencies and need for organization and a feeling of control. But, turns out I use both sides of my brain pretty much equally. Well darn. I'm not a pure artist, and I'm not a pure logical nerd (I use nerd lovingly, I don't think being a nerd is negative in the least). So, I'm an artistic perfectionist? I'm confused...how does that work?
Well, it looks like this:
"Why is the house such a mess? I should tidy it up..."
"No, I really want to just read a book and do a craft..."
"Lists are the bomb! I love lists..."
"Mmmm poetry is so delicious...so wonderful. Why does anyone ever complain about its ambiguity?"
"Will someone please give me a black and white answer, RIGHT NOW?"
"I think I need to doodle..."
See, it's weird.
But you know what, it's me. And, it's good. I understand introverts, and I understand extroverts (well, I understand extroverts a little less so). Also, I appreciate art and order, and I understand the more abstract while appreciating organization. What causes me such conflict, is that the logical side of me can't put me "in a box." I can't label myself, and I don't like "grey" areas. So type A... But God created me. God created me LIKE THIS. I'm one of a kind, a precious daughter to a King, and I don't need to figure out "who I am" from a quiz. I'm an artistic/organized/OCD/hermit/people-loving/reader-writer. That's my type :)
Learning to love me,