This was written for my grad class. And I liked it, so I'm posting it here for your reading pleasure:
“This predicament is all your fault, you know,” said the whale matter-of-factly. He didn’t usually consume humans, or other sentient being for that matter.
“How is this my fault? I’m pretty sure you swallowed me,” countered Jonah.
The whale sighed. “I just did what He said. If I had my way, none of my food would talk back to me.”
“What He said? You mean God?” Jonah asked.
“Of course. What other He could convince me to swallow the likes of you? You’re a rather unpleasant fellow.”
“This is a rather unpleasant circumstance!” Jonah whined, trying not to breathe the foul stench of the whale’s digestive system.
“I’m not an optimist, but even I can see the positives in this.”
“No one could have survived that storm. We’re far from land. You couldn’t have made it to dry ground even if you were Michael Phelps.”
“Michael Phelps? Who’s that?”
“A really good swimmer. He’s not alive yet.”
Jonah’s curiosity spiked. “Alive yet?”
“Yes. He’s yet to be born. A couple thousand years from now. If you listened to God, He just might tell you some things.”
Jonah sulked. “Are we playing the blame game again? Are you saying if I listened to God, I wouldn’t be here?”
“Something like that,” sighed the whale, growing tired of his talking stomach.
Jonah thought for a minute. Maybe the whale was right. Maybe if he had listened the first time, he wouldn’t have ended up on that boat in the storm, and eventually, in this lecturing whale’s belly.
“Perhaps,” ventured Jonah, “I could have been more obedient and spared us both this awkward encounter.”
“But you didn’t. And now you’re here. Safe.”
“Safe. Safe from drowning, safe from hungry creatures. This could be a blessing in disguise,” suggested the whale.
“Perhaps.” Jonah felt his heart soften. Maybe God was protecting him, even though God had every right to abandon him in the watery depths.
“What is it, most unlikable talking supper?”
“I think God’s still going to use me. He wouldn’t have sent you if He didn’t have plans for me.”
“You’re a smart one, Jonah.”
“And,” Jonah continued, “I think I’m ready to be obedient. And I’m thankful, even though this is the nastiest of circumstances.”
“Hold on,” warned the whale. “Things are about to get a bit nastier.”
Before Jonah could speak, he was violently propelled from the whale’s insides and onto the shore. He tumbled in the sand, covered in seaweed, whale digestive juices, and other equally gross things.
“Dry land,” Jonah chuckled to himself, his hands clutching the sandy beach.
“Whale?” He looked out to sea, but Whale was gone. “That ornery fish. He knew all along. God, you’re pretty amazing. Where to next, God?”